There isn’t much else that goes through my mind on weekdays between 9:45 and 10:00 except that there is an overwhelming smell of eggs. They are smothered in salsa, but I can’t smell the salsa, only the eggs. Eggs should NOT smell this strong. But John definitely loves them because, well, he eats them every day. They are from the cafeteria here at Bear Stearns. I still have not made the effort to visit the cafeteria because it is well outside of my budget. It isn’t like $2-7 is expensive for a meal; a salad or sandwich from home is just so much cheaper!

So what is this all about? Eggs aren’t that important to me. I am generally still full from my oatmeal in the morning so it isn’t like I want his eggs. What it really says to me is that there is no privacy. In a world without walls, my job becomes an intimidating experience. I am constantly watched by my boss from his clear glass observation room (office). I have no walls to hang posters or funny calendars on. I wear a suit into work for no purpose other than to have a uniform appearance when entering the building. I am coding perl like a good monkey should.

Is anyone getting the message here? My brain might explode. You betcha, brains can explode if they are placed in the wrong environment for too long. Ask 1970’s famed Dr. Spelling Finkerstein who investigated monotonous activity in rats. When rats were placed in an environment that did not allow them to turn around, but only walk in a circle in one direction, they ultimately died because their brain exploded. If the walls were wide enough for the rat to turn around, they could, at least, turn in the other direction for a while. Rats could live for years in this environment (given the proper nutrition and consistent cleansing by caregivers) because they could voluntarily move in the other direction. Amazing stuff.

So what is the problem with my situation? I have no walls so it isn’t exactly the same situation of the rats. Oh, and I’m not a rat either. But, I definitely need a different environment to flourish. The problem is that I am stuck. Well, at least until next year. Bear Stearns graciously offered me moving costs as a forwarded bonus - money that has been very helpful to Jasmine and me as we have been finding our way around the city and Jasmine has been finding the right job for herself. I think Bear Stearns is a great company to work for, and I would love to stay here for a while, but I feel like they will never see the quality of work that I can produce because they aren’t giving me the projects that would allow them to see that.

I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want my brain to explode. Anyway, that is my thought for the day.