Anyone who has lived in the south knows that Bermuda can grow in very hot climates and often stay green year round. They also likely know that quite a large amount of people begin to itch if it touches the skin. It is an allergy. So, even though the grass is greener, it is also itchy. And if the grass isn’t itchy, and it’s still green – it probably rains more over there.

Pessimism is something I have no problem delving into. I tend to call it realism, as do most pessimists. The thing that really prompts me now is my current employment situation.

I am fairly sure that a large amount of people would yearn to have a job like I do. Programming in a financial firm? With the ability to move up and get more into finance? Woo hoo, I should be partying! But for some reason I am left with a bitter taste in my mouth every day that I come into work. Am I afraid? Do I not know enough about business? What am I actually doing at work? What is my job ultimately leading to? Do kids get to eat in foreign countries? Are people being healthier? Am I helping them come closer to God? No, Probably, Huh?, Rich getting Richer, No, No, No.

It is hard for me to see the far reaching effect of what I do, and I know it is pessimism. Why am I so discontent? Not every job can ultimately lead to salvation. Or can it? I pray that it can. And if it can’t be for everyone, then I still want it to be something for me. I want to know that I am helping people. I also want to be doing something that people can see. I don’t want to code a script that might be included in another script to ultimately be shown on a program built by a team of 8 programmers in Uzbekistan (no, seriously, that’s what happens).

I don’t know. I am frustrated. But I want to know how people in these environments are happy with what they are doing. Is it the money that drives them? Is there something that I can’t see that gets accomplished? I am afraid to ask because I think I might know the answer.