Wildleaf

So, I am back in New York for work.  The boss decided that it would be a good idea to have me come into the office and work for a few days.  She also suggested that we have a face-to-face review.  That is a little frightening.  I have no reason to fear, I have been working my ass off these last few months since I have been working remotely.  I have even worked weekends and 16 hour days to produce working material.

But even with this extra work, I feel no respect or recognition for my efforts.  I don’t think she sees what I am doing with my time as “putting forth the extra effort,” that she expects.  That is frustrating.  I really hope that this review is all about recognition of my skill and efforts, but I fear that it will be something bad. I won’t know until Wednesday at 1:00 when the review is, but until then, I am tentative.

So, while I am in New York, I get to experience the city again.  It is the same city, with the same things, and it excites me as little as it excited me when I lived here.  It isn’t that the city is bad, I am just not drawn to it as many people seem to be.  I like the food, and it is sometimes fun to be in a huge crowd of people but it is frustrating on an everyday basis.  There is so much to do here, but I can’t afford to do it.  I am not a single artist looking for a community, I am a married computer geek with a budget.  It makes the city a much harder thing to experience.

In a way, my trip has proven to me that I can experience “business as usual” even after 6 months of being away.  The difference is that I am staying in New Jersey with a co-worker in order to save the company some money, and to allow me to stay out for a whole week.  It is not something I want to do again.  New Jersey sucks.  It is horrible.  Once we cross the river on the train, I can feel my soul being depleted from my body.  I am sure some people love it but to me it seems like a place of loss and desperation.  It is not empty, like Buckeye, nor is it bustling, like New York, or even crowded and sparse.  It is as if an entire generation of people lived in Northern New Jersey but left for greener pastures, leaving the leftovers for those who would be willing to live in a sub-standard existence.  It really is dismal.

The next trip I take out here, I hope that I can stay in the city for 2-3 days, and maybe take Jasmine with me because I miss her sorely.  I can’t wait to get home and give her a big smooch and hold her in my arms again.  Until then, I will work my days and retire to Jersey daily.